sincere12_25 asked:


kids play with ever-more-complex toys and learn what? Kids play with each other and learn social skills. Is this one big reason why things are not going so well any more?

(And I wonder if someone will break this long-overdue tie by voting)
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AioLpCfG.xMSDMAOSi3T0S7sy6IX?qid=20060722110641AAloBka

Andey Randead asked:


As much as women are the smarter sex, this only holds true when they are thinking straight and not under pressure. When they are young, hot, and have lots of time, they play their cards differently. As they get older and the biological clock starts getting louder, their judgment suffers.

Like anyone, once you start wanting something too badly, you make poor decisions. You tend to rush things and become more impatient, letting the other person sense your hunger for whatever it is you seek. You become desperate.

That will put you at a disadvantage and handicap your ability to judge. Always having an option, and not needing it badly, is the key.

Relationships are no different. As women get older, they tend to turn up the screws of a relationship faster. They see their options dwindling, as they are not yet where they want to be in life, which is on “the program”. The woman starts to pressure the man she sees as the one who will get her on “the program”. “The Program” being married, secure, couple of kids to justify not having to work, legally protected in case the relationship ends, benefit of a higher earner to move her up in live etc.

That pressure quite often leads to problems in the relationship, as most guys don’t like being pressured into taking the next step before they are ready themselves.

Almost anywhere you go, when you meet new people, the first question out of any single women’s mouth is, “Hi, how are you? So what do you do?” Now, I know that to some degree they may be trying to start up a conversation, but what that really means most of the time is, “I don’t have time to waste, so I need to know if you’re a good earner before I waste any time talking to you.”

It’s like women have become so desperate that they need to know right away what the deal is with you. It would be like the guy asking her right away, “Hi, how are you? So do you swallow?”

When a woman asks that question, any reasonably smart guy knows exactly where she’s coming from, and what her intentions are going to be. That is a huge turnoff. It’s pressure before anything even begins between the two of you. As a woman, how would you look at a guy if he let you know right away that all he wanted was some action? You’ve done the same thing to him, you just don’t realize it.

Women create their own worst fears by being overly impatient about where something is going. Instead of going with the flow and allowing things to develop at their own normal pace, they try to accelerate them. That attempted acceleration usually ruins whatever it is they had going up until then. Women become the authors of their own misfortune.

Women who are desperate will not get what they want. If you instantly let the guy know that what you really need is a meal ticket, chances are he will not respond the way you want him to. Getting right to the nitty-gritty when you meet him, or trying to pressure him to commit prematurely, will let him know that. And faking it won’t work, either. You can’t just pretend to not want it. You must genuinely not need it. Then it will happen all day long.

As women get close to thirty, they really need to relax and not try to force something to happen. Don’t force meeting someone, and don’t force an existing relationship forward. Forcing a meeting usually doesn’t do anything more than getting the guy you met laid a few times. Forcing an existing relationship to the next level can cost you the guy who would have eventually committed and propelled you onto “the program”

If he is really worthwhile, he will not be pressured into a commitment. If he isn’t worth it, the pressure will work. That’s why it’s a no-win situation for a female to give her man the ultimatum before he’s ready. If you win, you lose, and if you lose, you lose.

Allow things to develop. Yes, some guys will take a lot more patience than others. Yes, most guys won’t move as quickly as you want them to. However, be patient and follow your heart and mind, and don’t let the biological clock affect your decisions and make you do something stupid. You will know if he just needs more time. You will know if he will ultimately commit. And you will know that without asking him and letting him know that’s what you’re waiting for.

Men are totally different creatures in how they ***** up with women. Most of their screw-ups happen as a result of not having enough balls to deal with women straight up. They tend to lie to women in an attempt to keep them happy. As much as women **** being lied to, they do like the idea that they are that significant for him to think he has to lie to her.

Let’s say you stopped at the pub on the way home for a few drinks with the boys. You get home, and she’s mad because you’re half an hour late. The biggest mistake most guys make is to immediately try to lie to justify what they did.

They make excuses for being late and lie about where they were. What guys don’t know is the minute you do that, you’ve just raised her authority in your life. You’ve elevated her into being your boss. You must answer to her.

Although women don’t like the lies, they love the idea that you’re answering to her. She’s been elevated to a position of authority. Just as you will lie to your boss at work because of his authority, you now have done the same thing with your spouse. She’s now your boss, and you will be hiding and lying and answering to her forever.

What you should have done when you got home late from the pub, instead of cowardly excusing and trying to justify it, is to say, “Sorry I’m late, but I’ve had a long day. The boys were stopping off for a couple of drinks, and I did the same. I wanted to.” Plain and simple.

You’ve now taken her authority away from her. You’ve simply admitted why you were late without fear of repercussions by her. She’s not your boss. You’re not concerned about her authority over you. That’s the message you want to send. You’ll be surprised once you employ this approach how few arguments and lies you will have to deal with in the future.

Do you remember how schoolyard bullies were? They would not stop pushing you until you stood up to them. Usually the longer you waited to stand up to them, the harder it became to do so, because by then the bully knew you were afraid of them.

Believe it or not, women are no different. They’re like dogs that can sense fear. When you’re afraid of them, they know it and take full advantage of it. You’re their slave.

That’s why, when you come home and start lying to her, she knows it’s because, to some degree, you’re afraid of her reaction if you tell her the truth. She’s not only been elevated to being the boss, she’s the schoolyard bully pushing you around and watching you hide from her and the truth.

desmeran asked:


My kids were until a few months ago the only grandchildren on both sides of the family, so unsurprisingly they have way too many toys already (no fault of ours!). So I’m a bit at a loss for what to get them this Christmas. They don’t really have a wish-list (aside from art supplies, and my little guy wants more trucks), but obviously we’d still like to find them something they’d love.

I’m not interested in any toy that beeps, talks, lights up, or otherwise drives parents insane. I’m not interested in what’s trendy or ties in with a tv show or purports to be a learning toy. I’m just wondering for the following age groups what toy or other item your child *plays with* the most? Not the one that cost the most or that they were most excited to get at first or that they’re asking for, but the one that they truly love and keep on using month after month?

I’m looking for a 9-year-old, 7-year-old, 5-year-old, and 3-year-old. They’re girl-boy-girl-boy, but the girls are pretty tomboyish and the boys are pretty flexible in what they play with, too.

Thanks for your input!
I know 9-year-olds are pretty much past playing too much with toys per se … it doesn’t have to be a toy so much as something that your kid really loves.
they would love a pet, but can’t because of allergies and asthma (and parental overload … there are enough living things in this house already!)
okay i apparently missed all the troll/dog drama and am really not trying to be a forum for trolls here. talk about so high school….

thanks to the people giving actual help….

gravy sauce asked:


Congrats franky god bless

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Pedro Gondim asked:


“A narrative or story is anything told or recounted; more narrowly, something told or recounted in the form of a causally-linked set of events; account; tale, the telling of a happening or connected series of happenings, whether true or fictitious” (Denning, 2006).

Your life is a narrative, counted and recounted from many different perspectives, and by diverse people. There are settings, themes, characters and plots – just like in any movie, book, historical account or legendary fable.

In this article we review the approach of Narrative Therapy and how it can be effectively used by counsellors to assist individuals improve their lives.

Fundamentals of Narrative Therapy

The Narrative Therapy is an approach to counselling that centres people as the experts in their own lives. This therapy intends to view problems as separate entities to people, assuming that the individual’s set of skills, experience and mindset will assist him/her reduce the influence of problems throughout life. This therapeutic approach intends to place the individual in both the protagonist and author roles: switching the view from a narrow perspective to a systemic and more flexible stance.

Systemic and flexible stance? Yes. The aim is to help clients realise what forces are influencing their lives and to focus on the positive aspects of the ‘play’. In many events of our lives, we tend to focus on particular things and ignore others. Analysing our lives as a play, or a system, helps us understand the different forces and roles that are influencing our behaviour. This in turn gives us flexibility to invoke the necessary changes for improvement.

“The products of our narrative schemes are ubiquitous in our lives: they fill our cultural and social environment. We create narrative descriptions for ourselves and for others about our own past actions, and we develop storied accounts that give sense to the behavior of others. We also use the narrative scheme to inform our decisions by constructing imaginative “what if” scenarios. On the receiving end, we are constantly confronted with stories during our conversations and encounters with the written and visual media. We are told fairy tales as children, and read and discuss stories at school.” (Polkinghorne, 1988)

Merging a familiar set of events (one’s life) to a familiar structure (a narrative story) is a useful strategy. The emotional, cognitive and spiritual perspectives of a person are usually combined in order to derive meaning to an event. In many instances, one or two perspectives will prevail over the other(s), and this will depend upon the particular scenario and the individual’s personality traits.

As an example, we can compare the perspective of two people who have different levels of emotional intelligence. According to Coleman (1998) “intellectual and emotional intelligence express the activity of different parts of the brain. The intellect is based solely on the workings of the neocortex, the more recently evolved layers at the top of the brain. The emotional centers are lower in the brain, in the more ancient subcortex.” Thus, individuals that are more ‘emotionally intelligent’ will draw different conclusions, and behave differently in certain situations.

This is only an example of possible disparities in perception and decision-making. It is the protagonist responding to the setting, the characters, the theme and plot.

Techniques and Objectives

“The techniques that narrative therapists use have to do with the telling of the story. They may examine the story and look for other ways to tell it differently or to understand it in other ways. In doing so, they find it helpful to put the problem outside of the individual, thus externalizing it. They look for unique outcomes: positive events that are in contrast to a problem-saturated story.” (Sharf, 2004)

Externalising the Problem

In Narrative Therapy the problem becomes the antagonist of the story. Certain behaviours are based on particular ‘unhealthy’ or ‘undesired’ characteristics – such as lack of patience, aggressiveness, etc. Thus, they are approached as not a part of the client but as an opposing force which needs to be ‘defeated’. An example would be a child that has a very bad temperament and tends to be aggressive to other kids at school and his parents. The child might feel guilty for his temperament and blame it on himself (“I don’t know… it is the way I am…”). The counsellor will work with him towards isolating that undesired trait (aggressiveness) and placing it as an external trait – not a characteristic of the individual.

This strategy helps clients re-construct their own stories in a way which will reduce the incidence of the problem in order to eliminate negative outcomes and reinforce personal development and achievement. The protagonist becomes the author and re-writes the story constructively.

Unique Outcomes

If a story is full of problems and negative events, the counsellor will attempt to identify the exceptional positive outcomes. When exploring unique positive outcomes in the story, the counsellor will assist the client in redeveloping the narrative with a focus on those unique outcomes. This assists the client in empowering him/herself by creating a notion that those unique outcomes can prevail over the problems. Think about this analogy: you are a novel writer. You were given a novel to review and publish the way you prefer. You have read it and found it generally poor, but there were some interesting ideas which you liked. You selected these ideas, and re-write the novel around them. You can make a flawed story become a bestseller.

Alternative Narratives

The focus of Narrative Therapy is to explore the strengths and positive aspects of an individual through his or her narrative. Therefore, the main objective of this therapeutic approach is to improve the person’s perspective internally (reflective) and externally (towards the world and others). Alternative narratives are a simple way to relate to this concept. This technique works in combination with unique outcomes. How? The individual will reconstruct a personal story using unique outcomes, therefore, focusing on the positive aspects of a previous story in order to achieve a desired outcome. This process is based on the premise that any person can continually and actively re-author their own life.

By creating alternative perspectives on a narrative (or event within the narrative) the counsellor is able to assist the client in bringing about a new narrative which will help combat the ‘problems’. This is similar to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as it aims to create a positive perspective of an event.

Boundaries of Narrative Therapy

Despite being a widely used approach, particularly when combined with other therapeutic approaches, Narrative Therapy has certain boundaries or limitations. In many occasions, diverse clients may expect the therapist to act as the expert, instead of having to ‘conduct’ the conversation themselves. For this reason, Narrative Therapy can be challenging when the individual is not articulate. Lack of confidence, intellectual capacity and other issues could also undermine the expression of the individual through a narrative.

Another common boundary of Narrative Therapy is the lack of recipe, agenda or formula. This approach is grounded in a philosophical framework, and sometimes can become a particularly subjective or widely interpretative process.

The Leading Role

The most important aspect of Narrative Therapy is to empower the client. Placing the client as an expert, and understanding his/her story instead of attempting to predict it, indicates the therapist’s mindset. The idea is to emphasise the therapeutic relationship, in particular the therapist’s attitudes. This standpoint encompasses many of the important aspects of good interpersonal communication, such as: demonstration of care, interest, respectful curiosity, openness, empathy, and fascination.

Once this collaborative relationship has been established, the counsellor and the client can move forward and work on how to improve the outcomes of the narrative:

“Once upon a time… there was an optimistic, content and productive person…”

References:

Coleman, D. (1998). Working with Emotional Intelligence. (1st Ed.). London: Bloomsbury Publishing.

Denning, S. (2004). Steve Denning: The website for business and organizational storytelling. (www.stevedenning.com/What_story.html)

Polkinghorne, D. (1988). Narrative Knowing and the Human Sciences. Albany N.Y.: State University of New York Press

Sharf, R. (2004). Theories of Psychotherapy & Counselling. (3rd Ed.). Pacific Grove, CA: Thomson Learning.

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Julie Davidson asked:


eading off on your dream trip but then not being able to spend money on anything else because the Hotel room is SO expensive! It’s something we’ve all had to face, do I spend more on the hotel room and have less to spend on activities or do I spend less on the hotel room and stay somewhere undesirable? What if there was a way to spend less and still stay well? If you read on you’ll see some great tips that can save you money on your next trip!

Know What You Want

Before you can save money, you need to know what you want from a hotel room. Do you want to have a luxurious place to stretch out and relax, or a cheap, modest room to quickly change clothes before you head out to see the sights? It’s easy to narrow down what you’re looking for by thinking about what kinds of extra’s you need to have. Do you have to have a pool? Do you need internet or a restaurant at the hotel. Knowing what you want will help you narrow down the search so you can find cheap hotel rates.

Beware of Packages

Sometimes you can find cheap hotels by looking for packages that combine two services, such as hotel and your flight, or hotel and care hire. But sometimes, you’ll actually pay a lot more for the convenience of booking and paying for both the airfare and hotel in the same location.

At one package booking agent, you might be persuaded to book a flight from Sydney to the Big Apple (New York City, USA), and a seven night hotel stay at the Pennsylvania (near the Empire State Building), priced at $5,480. However, if you went to Qantas Airlines (Quantas.au.com) and the Hotel Pennsylvania (www.hotelpenn.com) and booked your flight and room separately, you’d pay $4,770. This isn’t always the case, of course, but sometimes packages aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

Make sure you check the rates, or you’ll think you’re getting a good deal while the booking site laughs all the way to the bank. The very same hotel stay can be the same price or even more expensive through a “discount” agency than if you booked through the hotel directly.

The moral of the story? Do your research! Make sure you know how much a night at a hotel is alone and then compare with your package rate to ensure you’re getting the savings you deserve.

Good Package Deals

Not all package deals are bad, as long as you know what you’re looking for. For example, your car rental agency may offer a free night at a participating hotel. The deal may be a third night free after a two-night stay, but if you’re planning on staying several days anyway, it’s a good deal.

Online Bookings to the Rescue

Some sites are just worth their weight in gold when trying to book cheap hotel rooms, and here are two that are priceless.

Wotif: (www.Wotif.com) This is a great online site to visit to get cheap hotel rates in Australia and abroad. You can book your cheap hotel room last minute or up to twenty-eight days in advance. Whether your holiday is in Australia, Scotland or Fiji, Wotif can help you book discount hotel rooms, bed and breakfasts, or apartments in thirty-five countries.

One great feature is that you can enter your travel information and compare hotels, apartments, and bed and breakfasts side by side. If you don’t have set travel plans, you can see which dates are cheaper and book accordingly. You can also advance your search by entering in different amenities you’d like, such as pool or a kitchenette.

A sampling of hotels around the world showed that indeed, Wotif provides cheap rates. Want to visit Walt Disney World? The Raddison Resort Orlando, FLA USA is a stone’s throw from this world-renowned family destination. For $100 a night ($185 a night full rate) you get a gorgeous room with two double beds, indoor and outdoor swimming pools, exercise facility and a restaurant on site. The best partkids stay and eat for free as long as they are accompanied by one paying parent.

Want to stay in a Scottish castle for your holiday? The four-star Dalhousie House Castle and Spa in Edinburgh, Scotland offers a luxurious holiday experience that will make you feel like royalty. Standard castle room: $302 ($500 full price) and includes a double occupancy room in this 13th century fortress. For a little more ($350) you could stay in a themed castle room. They both will have their own comforts and bath.

Or perhaps you’d rather experience a decadent South Pacific holiday on Fiji. For $300 ($350 full rate) a night you can stay in the four-star Sonaisali Island Resort. Enjoy a restful holiday on a small island across the lagoon from mainland Fiji, with a health spa, tennis courts and a child minding program that includes sandcastle building. Children stay free of charge.

Smarter Travel: (www.Smartertravel.com) This is an awesome site to review if you want hotel, flight and car hire information. They have a page with links to assorted deals, such as booking a night at the Hilton in NYC and receiving free breakfast or free parking. If you’ve ever tried to park in Manhattan, you’ll realize what a bargain this is!

Plus you can’t beat the advice. In the Hotel section, the editor posts his/her favorite deal links which takes you to a detailed page that outlines the fine print (like having to stay for three nights, one being a weekend night). There are also sponsor deals to choose from.

The great thing about this site is that they aren’t doing the bookingthey link you to the hotel or sponsor in charge of the deal they advertise.

Check with Your Credit Card

This may sound silly, but checking with your credit card could result in cheap hotel rates. Sometimes the major credit card companies will link up with a hotel chain to promote travel and business in a specific area, giving discounts if the consumer uses their credit card.

For example, the Hilton Latin America and Visa have teamed up to give travelers a discounted rate on a stay at the Hilton hotels across Latin America if using a Visa card to pay. You’ll also get a continental breakfast and a generous credit toward food and beverage. Of course, there are conditions and limitations, such as a three-night stay, but if you’re traveling to somewhere as gorgeous as Buenos Aries, you’re going to want to stay for a long holiday.

Check Directly with the Hotel or Hotel Chain

Sometimes you can get a great deal by calling the hotel directly and asking about cheap hotel rooms. If you’re calling a chain, such as the Hilton, call the hotel in the town you’re staying in, as calling the main line will often get you an operator that’s located somewhere else. He/she may not know of the deals that particular hotel branch has to offer.

You can also check online for deals. You’ll find that a lot of different hotel chains will actually be able to beat the discount travel websites on a nightly price if you book direct with them.

In Conclusion

A holiday doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg in hotel fares alone. By doing some research, comparing rates and contacting companies you wouldn’t typically think of, you can definitely find a cheap hotel room. Then you can sit back and relax on that well-deserved holiday trip, knowing you didn’t have to pay top dollar.

kumarpras asked:

Nisha reciting the world capitals. In this video she is saying the capitals of North American countries.

david j asked:


do you as parents buy educational board games for your kids? if you do are they something that you have a dificult time finding?

Michael G. Rayel asked:


For the past few years, I’ve talked to parents complaining about their kids and their online or computer habits.

“They spend too much time playing online games. No time for homework,” reports a single mom.

“When my child loses a game, he yells at me,” adds a frustrated mother.

“My son forgets to eat meals. He’s so immersed with it that he completely ignores me,” says another.

I feel bad for them but it’s true. Our children are simply bombarded with tons of new online stuffs. I’m not against online games. At least, they have some role in engaging our kids. But most of these online games are designed to entertain and so after a while, some kids get bored. And if done in excess, some even become grouchy.

Meanwhile, traditional games are overlooked if not ignored. When I say traditional games, I’m not just referring to old, classic games. I consider most board, word, or card games as traditional games because they don’t use computer or “hi-tech” gadgets.

Unlike traditional games, today’s online games don’t involve social interaction. If permitted, kids can stay with the computer all day long. Instead of spending time with their parents, siblings, or friends, they spend time with a cold, lifeless machine. And this is where the problem comes in — the lack of connection with a human soul.

How can traditional games help kids?

First, traditional games can help kids learn to acknowledge their emotions, although indirectly. During play, kids learn to deal with frustration after a loss, with excitement after a win, with anger after getting a “bad turn,” with anxiety when pride is on the line.

By playing traditional games, kids also learn how to communicate politely with other players. They show empathy to players who loses, become assertive with those who bend the rules, and control their temper when others become rowdy.

I strongly believe in the educational value of traditional games. Hence about three years ago, I developed a board game — now known as Oikos Game —designed not only to entertain and to create fun but also to provide an educational experience for parents and kids. Learning through play is one of the ways to teach life lessons to kids.

Second, traditional games provide a venue for families to spend time together, to generate lively banter, and to communicate with one another —done in the spirit of fun. The time spent each day to play with kids is a time well-spent. At the end of the day, what kids remember are the happy times spent with their parents and siblings. It won’t matter to them who wins or loses.

They will cherish those moments of togetherness and treasure those periods of laughter. The closeness and warmth among family members will forever be celebrated.

Kids love to connect with their parents. They need to feel secure, to be affirmed, to be listened to. They want frequent hugs, comforting words, and even high fives. If given a choice, most kids will prefer a warm, genuine touch and a caring, healing voice over an online game.

So a daily thirty-minute playtime with kids is an occasion to help families thrive.

Third, traditional games stimulate the brain through logical thinking and strategy. Studies have shown that to keep our brain healthy, we need to frequently stimulate it. Through reading, learning new things, playing word or board games, solving puzzles, or doing physical activities, our brain stays fit.

Like many specialists, I’ve recommended brain-stimulating activities to individuals who suffer from dementia. In my experience, those who often play card or word games and solve puzzles get worse slower than those who don’t. Indeed, our brain also needs “mental aerobics” to keep it sharp and healthy.

In summary, traditional games allow families to have quality time together while improving relationships, creating laughter, keeping the brain healthy, and strengthening the bond that glue the family’s fabric.